Lust & Apathy

It was interesting to read again about Sampson. I always viewed him as a fallen hero who made one mistake, let down his guard. But it seems Sampson's fall was predicatable when you view the trajectory of his life. I, too, could make a list of those I know (or know of) who have fallen sexually. It is the training of my father, his rules of life, that have kept me from finding myself in dark places at the wrong time. But I find that I need to refresh and recommit myself to that discipline. Half steps toward the line, allowing temptation to be too accessible and the lines become blurred. I can make sure that I never cheat on my wife and family. It is the consistent series of small choices (a Long Obedience in the Same Direction - thanks Eugene) that will allow me to keep that promise.

I do have a spiritual question. Above, I almost used the phrase, "let the enemy in." Often times the Devil gets a great deal of blame. In our quest to rediscover God, I recognize we must hold some thought or belief of the Satan. How active is he? Is there really a war taking place in a spiriutal realm all around us (i.e. This Present Darkness - thanks Frank)? There are times in my life where I remember believing this realm existed and feeling as if I was in a real war with it. I wonder if I do not feel that now because it was never there to begin with or if I have been neutralized with apathy.

Which brings me to Troy's message this past week and my email rant that perhaps led me to some degree of personal revelation or discovery. The pertinent parts of the email follow:


I think the best stuff on this (Simeon's faith) comes from Mark when Jesus has the kids come to him and says you need childlike faith and immediately following we get the story of the rich young ruler exercising a grown-up faith. I have a list I carry in my bible that distinguishes a childlike faith from a grown-up faith - things like simple vs complicated, etc

The punch line is that grown-up faith is growing the wrong direction. No accident the two stories juxtaposed.

Another thought is to examine the source of apathy. Why do people become apathetic? Seinfeld is a show about nothing (brilliantly written I might add). Perhaps it is a style and substance is issue. So much of our lives becomes about style. Image is everything. Anti-style is style. Details magazine this month talked about how GenX have become the new yuppies. You tree huggers up there taking the christmas trees out of the airport (which is definitely your opening current events line "they put the christmas trees back in the airport" and wait for the applause) have a tree huggers style.

Our collective issue is we lack substance. (Which is also the difference between grape juice and wine I might add). We're not bad people to get caught in the trappings of the season or when we fall prey to the advertisers. We're just shallow. It is easier to go along and not stretch ourselves than dig for something deeper. When you lack substance as a human being, why would you care about anything. Wars are fought on tv screens. It's not that we can't tell the difference between movie tragedy and real life, we just don't care anymore.

So why then should christmas be more than presents and egg nog (even really good eggnog)?? The crazy thing about Simeon is that after all these years, he still cared. He still sought after something of substance. So much so that he knew it when it saw it (the official court definition of pornography).

So how did he at the right moment have this epiphany? Because every morning he expected it. "Come thou long awaited promise" the carol rings out. Who was waiting? Simeon was. He didn't just at that moment say "aha" (although sometimes that happens). He fought apathy with the discipline of expectation. That's it.

The discipline of expectation. Everyday expecting God to do something. Even when we don't see it and even when we can't feel it, we still expect it. It opens us up to or unlocks the world of substance.

If this Christmas is going to be like last Christmas then why not be apathetic. But if I expect that today God may do something incredible then I expect that this Christmas is the perfect time for God to do something incredible.

We get that we it comes to terrorism. Every sept 11 and holiday, the national alert color goes up. Awareness rises. Our officials expect something will happen because it is the perfect time for it. But they also expect something could happen every day. Apathy could kill us all.

JL




The discipline of expectation - I would like us to think further about that. Perhaps that is part of what we've lost.

Working on it

I, too, have fallen behind. Part is traveling. I have spent only two nights in my own bed since committing. I have managed three other readings. One thing did strike me from It's About Time. I keep two lists - one personal, one business. I number those list partly just to remind myself how busy I am. Two observations: 1 - I like the lists. They give me some of my meaning and confidence that I am accomplishing something. I'm not sure this is good. 2 - I like what swindoll says about numbering the list based on priority. That's part of what is missing in this whole God search. What is priority for my life? How do I arrange life around what really matters? How do I decide what really matters? Those are some of my most recent thoughts.

Escaping Winter

My last couple of years back East, Baltimore had more snow than Buffalo. I have distinct memories, sitting down in my cool basement with snow 3-4 feet high outside my back window. I remember sitting there chilled to the bone. I thought for a while I had seasonal depression.

It seemed the world would slow down so much bound by the frozen ground. At first snow, I was charmed by the winter. Some of my best memories are of walking around at night in the fresh covering of snow. There is a strange warmth and any light is reflected and illuminates all the darkness around you. But then come the days and weeks afterward as the frigid, fierce wind would blow and the snow would turn black from mixing with the dirt of the day. And it seemed as if it would never go away.

January of 2004 I moved my whole family to Las Vegas. That winter was colder than I expected. But our family rallied together to battle loneliness. God provided friends to provide companionship. And the sun's warmth was inescapable. I believed I had left the effects of the winter behind for good.

Until March of 2006, I had known very little winter in my time in Vegas. But winter's oppression returned. It had been so long since our last encounter that I did not recognize winter. It did not follow its past patterns. It was if it had been searching for me, saving its brutal blast until it would find me hiding in the desert. And for the past months, C.S. Lewis' White Witch has ruled over the land I occupy in my soul.

Swindoll writes:

"But there is something strangely solitary about winter. Altogether unlike the other three seasons, winter pleads for companionship...Just as the calendar cannot skip those bone-chilling months, we cannot escape these barren days! Prisoners in our own dungeons of discourgement, loneliness, and spiritual impotence, we struggle to keep our equilibrum...to make sense out of such apparent insanity. It seems as though God has forever sealed shut the storm windows and drawn the drapes on hope and happiness."

I resonate with some of those words. I would also add apathy, frustration, doubt. I have not seen significant snow in years, but I find myself looking out the back window of my soul to see that the snow is once again piled up 3-4 feet. The White Witch reigns.

But...I hear that Aslan is on the move.